These past few weeks with Camden in kindergarten have been extremely difficult. The honeymoon period is starting to fade and the anxiety and anger of Camden's disability are starting to show their true colors. When we first learned of Camden having Aspergers, I would search the Internet every night and read every book I could find. We have implemented countless strategies for his anger, but nothing really stands out as being truly effective. The past two weeks have been really hard. It is so hard to watch your child fail and know that there is nothing you can do about it. I have had this feeling of hopelessness and guilt that is very overwhelming. I have cried myself to sleep for the past couple nights. I just feel like I am alone... silly, I know!! I have an amazing husband, supportive family, and gosh, the best kindergarten teacher in the world!!!! I just wish there was a black or white answer or a solution for what I can do to "fix" my son.
Tonight I signed up to help decorate the school gym for the Halloween parties tomorrow. I was really dreading going, and even debated skipping out... Terrible, I know, but it has been an emotionally draining two days!!!! I decided to go even though I didn't really want to and do the PTA mom thing for the night!!! Upon decorating, a mom and I started talking a bit. I had my school coat on, so she asked me what I taught and told me it was awesome to come and decorate gym as a teacher. I told her I was wearing my mom hat tonight and that I had a son in kindergarten. Turns out, her son is in kindergarten too... in Camden's class. When she found out Camden was my son, she told me that her son talks about Camden all the time and she said the nicest things. Then she started telling me about her son and how he has so many of the same issues that Camden does. We stayed around and talked for almost 45 minutes after we were finished decorating. I can't tell you how nice it is to find someone that you can talk to who truly understands how hard it is to raise a child who is just "weird.. different... special, whatever you want to call them.
At 7:00, I felt totally alone and isolated, but here at 9:30, I feel like I have made a friend that truly understands what I am going through and I am so thankful!!!!!!
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5 comments:
So glad you had one of those moments...where you have a connection with someone who "gets" it! Camden is so blessed to have a great mom and dad!!
Thinking of you!! Camden is so lucky to have you as his mommy!!
You are amazing. You do so much to help Camden and sometimes he is just not able to cope. It is not your fault. I wish we were closer to help out. Raising children is a full time job and then you do another one on top of that. I love the pictures you share on the blogspot. Keep it up. Love you all.
You and Mark are the best thing that have ever happened to Camden. He could not ask for better parents. Camden is an amazing little boy. He is brilliant, full of joy and the love of our life. Sometimes life can seem a little over whelming at times, but he will find his way. He has a lot of family that loves him and we will be here for all of you. I know deep in my heart he will do something so amazing with his life, we will all be so proud of him. Next weekend the kids are hanging out with Grandma & Grandpa so you can have a well deserved break. We love you all.
Camden is sooo very lucky to have you and Mark as his mommy and daddy. I truly think that God gave you this gift even though sometimes I am sure it is very difficult. Camden is such a kind and sweet little boy and I LOVE having him in my class. Tara, you really are the best mom and teacher a son could ask for and more!!
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